Confrontation for Restoration

If they listen to you, you have won them over … But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

- from Matthew 18:15-16

Winning them over is the point. Not just to “our side” but to the side of grace, love, mercy, obedience, and life. The goal is not just to win an argument but to love people out of death and win them over into life.

When a brother or sister sins – whether it’s against us or just something they’ve done that’s hurting them – we confront them in order to win them over into this life. If we lose sight of this, our confrontation devolves into an ambush or an assault. In every difficult conversation, we need to keep the “What’s the desired outcome?” question clear in our minds.

Jesus’ goal for confrontation is reconciliation and restoration. Bringing someone along with us after an initial approach hasn’t won our brother or sister over has two effects:

  1. The Third-Party Effect: the presence of a mediator can help bring clarity to what the real issue is.
  2. The Take-It-Serious Effect: hearing from multiple sources provides a wake up call and demonstrates that this community of people both care and are willing to help the brother or sister step away from their sin.

When deciding to bring someone else along for a confrontation, look for a person who will bring genuine love for both parties. Find someone with wisdom and thoughtfulness. Seek for someone with an earnest desire for truth. The brother or sister who comes alongside you will be a tremendous blessing to your brother or sister who is caught in sin.

Is there a situation where you’ve exited this process, perhaps stopping with the personal and private confrontation and not moving on to the next step? Where can you re-engage? Who can you bring with you?

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