Mordecai gave him a copy of the text of the edict for their annihilation, which had been published in Susa, to show to Esther and explain it to her, and he told him to instruct her to go into the king’s presence to beg for mercy and plead with him for her people.
- from Esther 4:7-8

“What do I not know?” This question can have a tremendous impact.

In today’s passage, Mordecai catches Esther up on what’s going on and the danger to their people. Her not knowing about the genocide kept her from connecting with Mordecai in his grief.

When people hustle us through our grief or drag their heels when we think they should move on, asking the “What do I not know?” question makes a huge difference.

If you’re the one grieving, it gives you space to communicate why you’re still grieving. If you’re walking alongside someone who’s grieving, when you ask this question you get insight into what the grieving person is processing and why they aren’t moving on.

Not every grieving situation is made more comfortable by asking this question. We don’t want to over-promise here. But having more information can make it easier for us to just be present.

One of more thing that stood out as we were reading was that Mordecai didn’t just share information with Esther, but he also guided her response. He didn’t assume she’d know what to do with the information. If you are asked the “What do I not know?” question, don’t assume people will know how best to respond to the information you give them. Guide their next steps. Ask for what you need.

Where do you see someone you care about stuck in a season of grief? What would it look like for you to ask them the “What do I not know?” question? Give it a try today.

And if you’re stuck in a season of grief, perhaps you need to ask this question to yourself. Maybe there’s a facet to your grief that you haven’t discovered yet. You might not feel free to move forward until you’ve uncovered it.