When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to Him, “They have no more wine” ... His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever He tells you” (John 2:3,5).

“Here, let me do that for you.” “Let me talk to your teacher for you.” “I can pay that bill for you.” “Text me when you get there.” Aww, the helicopter parent. It’s natural to help, even hover over our babies and toddlers. But as they mature, they need to assume more responsibility and have less hovering. If they make mistakes, well, families are messy sometimes. But messier still is a parent who doesn’t know when to stop interfering. 

As parents, we want our children to succeed, and sometimes we don’t know when to back off. Their successes become our successes. When they do well, we’re proud. How beautiful this family is, we think, and we helped! But what happens when that newly-hired son does poorly on the job because mom isn’t there to wake him up every day? Helicoptering delays, perhaps even prevents maturing and impairs healthy family dynamics.

Not even Jesus was immune to changing parent-child relationships. As He grew, it’s easy to imagine His earthly father keeping Jesus away from carpentry tools but then, slowly, handing over more and more of the family business. I imagine His mother delighted in teaching her son. In a culture which placed enormous value on family, even as a 30-year old, Jesus would still honor His mother. 

We see His respect for her as He politely listens, during the hubbub of a wedding, when she tells Him the wine has run out. Mary knows Jesus can fix this social embarrassment. She knows Who Jesus is; she’s known since before His birth. And as His mother, she must long for Him to reveal Himself to all. 

But when Jesus tells her, “‘My time has not yet come’” (John 2:4), Mary doesn’t push back as a helicopter mom of today might. She doesn’t even come close to asking, “but why not? This is your perfect opportunity!” She speaks instead to the servants: “‘do whatever He tells you’” (v.5). We see a healthy mutual respect and Mary’s acknowledgment of Jesus’ authority supplanting her own. 

Mary walks away. She hasn’t pushed her agenda on Jesus. She hasn’t presented Him with several options for fixing the wine problem. Watch the beauty in what happens next: even though He has said it’s not His time, Jesus performs His first (and very public) miracle, changing water into premium wine. Was it out of honor for His mother who assumed He could fix the problem? Was it out of respect for her because she didn’t tell Him how to do it? Was it because she relinquished her parental authority in order to receive His? 

I’m sure many of us recognize ourselves in Mary, wanting to propel our adult children into actions we think are best. The closeness between parents and child is beautiful, but helicoptering can also get messy. May God grant us the wisdom to know when to press our own authority and when to step aside and recognize our children for the adults they have come to be.